I have forgotten how it feels like to be loved…
I have forgotten the feel of a soft touch..
Fingers caressing the folds of my skin..
Sensuous kisses travelling from the lips
To the nape of my neck and further below..
The tender look which needed not words
And your eyes which said I was your world…
Yes, I’ve forgotten them all, forgotten how they felt like…
No they are no more there and never more will be..
I have lost you, I have lost your love.
I held you in the hollows of my arms
Lifting and supporting you
As you cringed further below
Trying to hide from the eyes
That you once thought adored you.
Insinuating eyes that now follow you
Into every nook and bend
Until you feel cornered
And overpowered by it’s presence.
No the eyes are not there now
But you are overwhelmed with guilt
Which makes you see them everywhere.
My attempts to comfort you are all in vain
Yet I give not up, for you are mine
And mine you’ll always be
I’ll forever protect you
And catch you from falling further.
You are safe beneath my wings.
Life isn’t a fairy tale,
Where people fall in love
And live happily ever after.
But life is an affliction,
A painful depressant, a bitter pill,
Which all have to swallow-
Brings you wretchedness and engulfs your sanity.
I was young, quite young
Still living in a world of dreams
When suddenly my mind mushroomed
From a world of fairy tales
To a world of realities so corrosive.
Life had given me much
But life took them all away in an instant.
Then again came my prince or so I thought
Who would be my happy place.
But he found greener grass, in reality brown,
Callously he stabbed my heart,
Twisted and turned the knife
Till it bled the life out of me.
Still I waited bleeding red,
Drops of blood oozing out of my heart.
Still he juggled with it,
Till the juggling couldn’t be stopped
And he got trapped in his own artifice
Which became a web,
He couldn’t crawl out of.
Though misled for a while
That transformation was real,
I eventually learnt the hard way
What’s crooked can never be straight.
They say when you want something,
The whole world conspires to get it to you.
But I beg to differ with you Coelho,
What’s not meant to be will never be.
Why should I be blamed for each and everything?
Why should I be the one to make sacrifices?
Why should I be the only one who says sorry every time? Sorry
even for each and every wrong you do!
Do you remember the last time you said sorry?
Or maybe just say yes, it was my fault? Do you?
What do I do?
How do I try?
Do I gift him gifts?
Do I cook his favourite meal?
Do I pleasure him?
Do I shower him with praises,
Or do I remind him everyday how much I love him?
But these I do everyday,
There’s no use as his love for me has run dry.
Maybe I should just stop trying
And let him be.